A Whole Year... Gone

Wow, I can't believe I let a whole year pass before making another post. It's definitely been on my mind lately and now that Facebook has those memory things each day it brought up my birth story which was my last post.  Let me give you an update. (Mostly about my physical condition)

I gained 41 lbs in pregnancy and weighed 237 when I delivered. 3 weeks after my baby was born, I had lost 30 lbs. I thought, "Wow! This is great! And I'm nursing so pre-pregnancy weight... HERE I COME!".... yeah about that... well nursing turned me into a ravenous beast. I felt like I was starving all the time. At first I was good about putting good healthy food in my body and then I went back to work.  7 weeks after my baby was born I was working full time, nursing/pumping and keeping up with my baby's schedule. I couldn't even think about trying to fit exercise into my day. I was so completely drained of everything that I had nothing left and I started filling that void with food that FELT good as opposed to actually being good for me. On top of this, at Mikey's 4 month appointment the doctor had concerns about his weight and required me to see a lactation consultant. That was a horrible experience. Ask me about it sometime, especially considering I just got done paying for my "Free" consultation!

My goal was to breastfeed for 12 months. I made it! I have never done anything as difficult as breastfeeding. At the 4 month point though, due to the doctors comments, I was so afraid that I had a supply issue that there was no way I was going to start hardcore exercising or dieting (I read somewhere that it has been linked with lowering your supply). So lets put 2 and 2 together shall we. Poor eating habits + No exercise = Weight gain + Sleep deprivation = Even more weight gain.

Now here I am weighing 227 lbs. and feeling horrible about myself. I can't fit into any of my clothes. I'm still wearing maternity clothes. I dread waking up in the morning because I know I am going to have to look at myself in the mirror and dress this big frumpy dumpy, dare I say it, MOM BODY! There. I said it! Don't be offended! I know there are several of you who like and are just "so proud" of your postpartum bodies. You earned your tiger stripes, right? Congratulations, but lets not pretend that you are in love with it and that it's your preferred body type. If deep down, you are truly happy with it, good for you, but I'll put money on the fact that you are the super minority. I can't even wear a normal bra because they don't fit! I quit nursing two weeks ago! I don't think I will ever fit into a Victoria's Secret bra again! It's horrible! Everyone wants big boobs, but don't be fooled! It comes with a whole set of horrible hassles. Mine were just fine before. Ughhhhh.

The time to start trying for another baby is coming and I know that it's unrealistic to be at my true goal weight by then so  I have created a "Mid-level Threshold" goal weight! It's still going to be a challenge, but I'm up for it! My struggle right  now is trying to find time to exercise. I need it though. I crave it. I need an outlet, an escape from reality for an hour or so.

The Birth of Mikey!

Hello,

It's been quite a long time! Life got very busy and is getting busier.  2 weeks ago yesterday I had my baby and wanted to share my birth story. Mainly because the whole reason I started this blog was to help keep me motivated to get in shape and be healthy and the main reason for doing that was so that I could have a healthy pregnancy. No, I didn't reach my goal weight before getting pregnant, but I now have another chance before having another baby! Hooray!

Michael Paul Anderson Jr.

Born November 13th at 7:52pm

9lbs 11oz and 21.5 inches long

My first baby and no epidural!!

!!!WARNING!!!

The following contains information pertaining to childbirth. If you can't handle words like cervix, urethra, perineum or labia, then you should stop reading now!

Tuesday Nov. 11th, 2014: 

41 weeks and 5 days pregnant!

Mike and I went in to get yet another Fetal Non-Stress test. This was number 3 because Mikey seemed to not want to be born. He was happy on the inside and had plenty of amniotic fluid. I was dilated to a 4 and my cervix was soft, but just a few Braxton hicks contractions here and there. The midwife said I was really on the brink of starting labor so I had her strip my membranes in hopes of getting labor started without having to be induced. I did not want to be induced, but Thursday was the latest I could go. That night the power went out and my lower back was killing me! I thought for sure labor was starting so I went to bed hoping to be woken up with contractions or my water breaking or something!

Wednesday Nov. 12th, 2014: 

41 weeks and 6 days pregnant

No such luck chuck. The pain had subsided, no contractions and the power was still out, so Mike went to work. My sister Kristel called me wondering if I wanted to drive around with her and my nephew simply to keep warm because their power was out too. Plus this enabled us to charge our phones in the car! We ended up picking up my mom and going out to lunch.  While on our way out, one of my midwives called me and asked if we could be induced that day. Apparently the birth center had 5 other women on the books to be induced Thursday and none of them were far enough along to be induced a day early. We would only be able to go in after Mike got off from work. I called him and he said okay. So we arrived at Valley Medical Center at 6 o clock and were shown to our room.

If you know anything about my husband you know he has many things that he is particular about. One is even numbers. Don't know where is comes from, he's not OCD, he just likes even numbers. Well he was ecstatic that our room number was 2346! And on top of that, 46 was 23 doubled, he said it was good luck! Our moms had arranged their schedules to be there with us too! Unfortunately when you make a choice like being induced you automatically give up other choices you once had, such as IV fluids and continuous fetal monitoring.  I had to have an IV anyway because I was GBS positive and needed antibiotics before I delivered, but still! I would say it was the worst part, not the most painful, obviously, but definitely the worst because I hate needles and I hate feeling confined and boy did I end up feeling confined! Also, because I was being induced with Pitocin I had to have continuous fetal monitoring.

They finally started the Pitocin around 8pm. I asked if they could give me the smallest dose possible and they did. They started with 1 ml and went up by 1 every 30 minutes when they normally start with 2 ml and go up by 2 every 30 minutes. In hindsight, that was just prolonging the process, but I was still praying that my body wouldn't need much to push it over the edge into labor. Eventually they started going up by 2 and I would have a few contractions here and there. 

Mike and I tried to go for a walk to help speed things along. I had to take the IV drip and the Fetal Monitor with me and unfortunately the monitor kept picking up my heart rate instead of the baby's so we became confined to our room... waah waah waah!

Sometime in the night the midwife checked me again and I was dilated to 7cm and contractions were coming at regular intervals, but I was still smiling and talking, which is apparently not normal for most women when they are dilated to a 7. I thought this was a good sign and that maybe I had a huge pain threshold that would carry me through birth and that it would only get a little worse! It got a lot worse.

Thursday Nov. 13th, 2014: 

42 weeks pregnant!

Now just to let you know, I was going through the midwives at valley for my care and at our first appointment we met with Laura and she said that we would click with some of the midwives better than others and that babies had a way of waiting to be born with your favorite. I loved 5 out of the 6, but still liked the 1 (Just not as much as the others, our personalities were too different). We had most of our appointments with Rosie and Kirsten and they were my faves!  It just so happened that Rosie was on call Wednesday and Kirsten was on call Thursday. So really, Mikey waited to be born with one of our favorites!

Well the morning came and I still hadn't had a baby! Kirsten came on shift at 7 am and we decided that since my contractions were regular and I was at 17 ml of Pitocin (They usually don't let people go pass 20 ml) that we would stop Pitocin and hope my body continued in labor. This was a great decision because it allowed me to take a nice shower! However, the catch was that if my body didn't continue in labor that we would break my water (another intervention I wanted to avoid, but eventually saw it as necessary in order to progress). Well 10 am came and my labor had basically stopped. It had been an hour since I had my last contraction therefore we were going to break my water, but stay off Pitocin. The midwife tried to break my water, and she thought she had, but there wasn't a huge gush and she was afraid of hurting the baby if she continued to try. So we let it be and again hoped that my bag of waters was broken and simply leaking instead of gushing. Again my labor hadn't done much of anything and we decided that my water was not broken and she was going to try again. This time it worked and there was a big gush and it was clear! Clear fluid meant there was no meconium, which is pretty rare for an overdue baby! We also asked to start Pitocin again just in case breaking the water didn't actually help me progress.

Finally labor really started! I decided to stand with a birth ball on the bed and sway. This is when my back pain really kicked in like it had Tuesday night. Thankfully Mike was there to do counter pressure! Not sure if you know this, but my husband is inhumanly strong and therefore amazing at counter pressure! The nurse asked if I wanted a peanut ball because it might be easier than using a big round ball. It was much easier and way more comfortable, but my back pain was getting worse. Because of the Pitocin I again had to be on continuous fetal monitoring which is what really made labor difficult. I wasn't able to move around and change position freely because then the monitor would lose Mikey's heartbeat. It was very frustrating! 

Severe back pain during labor can be a sign of a posterior baby. In case he was posterior, we decided to try a sideline position to try to coax him into a better position. I liked this idea because most of the relaxation practice I had done was in this position and I thought I could manage my pain better. In the process of changing positions I had to stop for a contraction. I suppose it's weird to say it was my favorite contraction, but let me explain. I was trying to breathe through my contractions like I had practiced. I was finding that either I controlled the contraction or the contraction controlled me and I wanted to be in charge, but my deep abdominal breathing was proving to be very difficult if I wasn't ready when the contraction started. This particular contraction was one that I controlled. I owned it!

Once in the sideline position I tried relaxing. My legs and feet did not like that idea and decided they were going to try to absorb the pain, but that just makes it more painful and I knew that, but I honestly couldn't stop it. The contractions were getting stronger and closer together and I couldn't control any of them. It felt like once I finished one I didn't have time to regroup for the next. It was like playing defense against a powerful no-huddle offense in overtime! I couldn't keep up and I felt helpless. The nurse was trying to help me breath but she was not doing deep abdominal breathing she was doing more like Lamaze and I didn't want to do that but she was all I could focus on. Because I wasn't breathing properly I started to hyperventilate which caused my hands to tingle. That was weird. 

I had watched many natural birth videos on YouTube and there were a few where the women were so loud and vocal that I had to turn them off because it was straight up annoying to listen to.... I WAS that woman in labor. I didn't want to be, but I was.

From our Bradley classes we had this amazing "Overview of Labor and Birth". It takes you stage by stage through the process and explains physical, mental and emotional sign posts. The final phase before you start pushing is called transition. During this phase the woman typically experiences self-doubt, confusion and basically surrenders to the labor. The overview described some things you might hear a woman in transition say such as, "I give up" "I want to go home". I especially remember feeling like this and I was thinking, "I don't want to be here anymore", "I'm done", "I can't do this anymore". I must have been saying these things out loud because I remember my mom (who was reading our Bradley book) said, “I think this is transition!" I could hear the midwife's voice but I have no clue what she was saying.

I wanted to push but I didn't want to say that because I was afraid it wasn't time and that I wouldn't be dilated enough to push. I felt the largest need to go poop. I said, "I need to go poop!" They said, "Do you want to go to the bathroom?" No I definitely did not want to get up and go to the bathroom, but I had to poop so they said, "Why don't you just go poop?" The midwife said that after my next contraction she was going to check me to see if I was dilated enough to push. I think it took 2 contractions because I didn't really want to be checked, but she checked me and said I was dilated to 9 and 3/4 cm. SERIOUSLY?! I'm not sure how you can tell the difference between 3/4 cm and 1 cm because that is less than an 1/8 of an inch difference, but I couldn't hold it anymore my body needed to push and so I got to my hands and knees and started to push. They kept telling me that I was going to need to turn around in between my next contraction, but that took like 3 or 4 contractions. When I turned around I remember looking at the clock and seeing that it was 7 pm, but after that I closed my eyes and pretty much kept them shut the rest of the time.

Pushing was the greatest part! I felt so in control of my body and the situation. It was nice to feel in charge again. I didn't hear this and my husband said it was because she whispered it, but around 7:15 the midwife said her prediction was that the baby would be born at 7:53 and he was born at 7:52! They placed him on me and he felt so warm and small!

The cord had been wrapped around his neck and the midwife said, "Kelsie he's not breathing we have to take him for a few moments." Mike quickly cut the cord and Mikey was given to a NICU team in the room who immediately began suctioning him out really good. He had apparently pooped right as he was born and his first breath inhaled the meconium. The NICU team pulled pieces of meconium out of his lungs and he started crying. They listened to his lungs and then pulled out more. 

Meanwhile, I needed some stitching. I only needed a few in my perineum, but I had labial tearing and needed stitches in many delicate places. After delivering the placenta the midwife gave me lidocaine to numb me, but it wasn't extremely effective. She began stitching and then asked someone to go get Dr. Lawrence.  She told me that because there was tearing so close to my urethra she wanted the OB to stitch it. I didn't hear the Dr. say I was hemorrhaging, but that was what my mother-in-law claims he said. They gave me 4 pills to chew up while also giving me some sort of IV drug which I think was to help numb me, but I am not sure. The pills tasted like cotton and I remember saying out loud, "This tastes like cotton!" Both the midwife and the doctor made me feel as though everything was not that bad and I'm sure they've seen worse! 

Reflections and Moral of My Story:

The last two weeks have been difficult for me as I tried to recall everything that happened during my labor and delivery. You would think that it would be easy to feel extremely awesome about my accomplishment. I mean really... I freaking gave birth to a 9lb 11oz baby without pain medicine! However, having a slight perfectionist streak in me, I've torn myself up about my experience because it was not what I wanted. It was nowhere close to the calm, beautiful experience I had envisioned and dreamed about for me and Mike. I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park, I'm not stupid, but I had hoped for so much more and expected so much more from myself and have therefore been very disappointed. It could potentially be a little postpartum depression trying to rear its ugly head and I'm doing my best to keep tabs on it.

I definitely made the mistake of listening to the comments and partial criticism of others, when I should have just let it be someone else's opinion and not a fact. My experience was somehow traumatizing to others. My mother she said that if any of her daughters decide to do natural childbirth again, she will not be attending. And my mother-in-law was and I quote...Scared for me... because I could have died. I don't know which one said it, but someone made the comment about how they should have given me an episiotomy to make it go faster.

I finally came to the realization that it is absolutely not okay for any woman to ever feel bad or disappointed about her birth experience. Let me say that again...

IT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY FOR ANY WOMAN TO EVER FEEL BAD OR DISAPPOINTED ABOUT HER BIRTH EXPERIENCE!

I don't care if she has a C-section, an epidural, goes natural, in a hospital, in Uncle Tom's cabin or whatever the case may be. If you survived then by damn it, you've succeeded! My friend Jackie once said, "My goal in childbirth is to not die." I agree!

My baby and I made it out alive. I succeeded!

oh and Mike doesn't smile in pictures!

Truly Triumphant

Day 710 - Run: Who knows

Dear friends,
I know it has been like 3 months since I've written and I'm sorry, but for those of you who don't know...
I'M PREGNANT!

I'm 23 weeks and having a boy! I am extremely excited!

I had this two year long dream of running through my pregnancy. Running through my park with this huge belly and being like "Yeah, that's right! I'm pregnant and running!" but for some lame and unknown reason ( I couldn't get my butt up early enough to go before work and after a long day with 22 five year olds I just couldn't muster up enough energy to go after work) I became inconsistent with my runs and eventually fell out of the habit. I gained almost 10 lbs and then got pregnant. I thought all was lost when I started feeling queasy because my running brain said, "If it's above the neck you go and if it's below the neck you stay in." I tried to run through the queasy and that didn't bode well for my desire to keep running. My morning sickness wasn't even that bad, but I was also exhausted beyond anything I'd ever felt before that it just became too much of a chore and was no longer enjoyable. At 12 weeks pregnant I tried to run again but something didn't feel right and I was afraid of doing any damage. Any time I tried to jog it was painful. I even went for a long walk with a friend that I thought was going to kill me because my hips felt so out of whack!

I've gone swimming once and it was the most amazing feeling to be so active again without pain or fear of hurting my growing baby! It was fantastic and I plan on swimming more this summer!

At my appointment last Thursday my midwife suggested that I walk at least a mile a day and so I am determined to do that!

So here's the cool part.... I went for my walk today and was listening to one of my running playlists while taking one of my old running routes that I know is about 1.25 miles long. About .8 miles in I just couldn't take the slow walking pace anymore! It was driving me nuts... so I decided to try jogging a little, figuring it was probably going to hurt and I would have to stop and finish my walk in boredom. However, I started jogging a little and I was doing just fine! It felt so good! I was out of breath as I lumbered down the street! I was definitely going easy and not giving it my all, but  I WAS JOGGING!! It was AWESOME! I jogged all the way home,and only took a few stops! It was great! My knee did start getting stiff and I'm still obviously going to continue with caution but I was just excited to be moving that I have to try it again tomorrow!

Thank you for your continued support and I look forward to sharing more moments of triumph with you for the last 17 weeks of this pregnancy! I might even post our birth story on here... we'll see!

Finding Strength

A lot of days : and a lot of runs, hikes, and walks. A few yoga sessions and now gym visits!

I didn't workout today. Normally I don't post unless I've worked out. The reason is because after working out I'm so pumped up that I feel like I have to tell the world! I want them to know that if I can do it than anyone can do it!

Today I'm posting at the request of a close friend [Hi Sarah  :-) ]. After she asked, I texted her sister, also a close friend, [Hi Jackie] and said, "She wants me to post and I totally can, but I feel unmotivated and when I feel unmotivated I feel incapable of motivating others."

It was then that I decided to post about finding strength. Finding strength to keep going, to suit up and tie your shoes, to refuse the rice krispie treat even though you've had a bad day and completely deserve it! Finding the strength to not judge yourself by who or what you see at the gym or on the scale or in the mirror. Finding strength to accept yourself  for who and what you are at this very moment and what you will become.

THIS IS NOT EASY! I repeat... NOT EASY!

I hate cliches, but I am going to say it... if it were easy, everyone would do it.  Seriously though. Everyone would be perfectly fit and perfectly healthy.

I wish I could say that deciding to start is the hardest part or that waking up early to exercise is the hardest part or going after a long day of work or school or chasing your children is the hardest part, but the whole truth and nothing but the truth is that NONE of it is harder than the rest because it is ALL HARD.

The only thing I can say is what I say to my students when they tell me they can't because it's too hard. I say,"But you are strong and because you are strong you can do hard things!"

Taking on a big challenge takes guts and courage! It takes strength and you've got that! It takes a very strong and confident person to walk into a gym knowing that he or she is much flubber-ier (Not a real word? It is now!) than everyone else in there. No I don't feel or think I am confident when I walk into my gym, but my actions are confident. Same with going outside and running. Those cars that pass you might be full of horribly raised teenage boys getting a good laugh at the fatty running, but you have to remember that there are cars that drive by with people like me in them and think "Wow! YOU GO GIRL (or dude!) Keep going, Keep going! You can do it, you just gotta keep going!" You inspire me and you inspire others. You let your strength shine. Be proud of yourself. Be proud of the fact that you are making a healthy choice. You could be sitting on the couch, but your not! You could be eating bowl of fruit loops, but your not!

Staying positive is so hard. (Maybe that's the hardest part...hmm ... nope. It's all hard!) In those moments of negativity and doubt ( and yes, there WILL be more than one), when your positive thoughts fail you and you think all of your motivation is dead and gone and all hope of ever being what you want to be is lost... in those moments.... dig deep. You have it in you, but you have to dig and fight for it!

If you ever find your self in a time when you simply can't find the strength, come back here and reread these things:

1. Yes it is hard, but you are strong and can do hard things!
2. You are more than the what the mirror and scale say you are!
3. YOU ARE STRONG!
4. YOU CAN DO THIS!
5. Yes you can!
6. Dig deep!
7. You've got this!
8. YOU GO GIRL/DUDE!

Learning Positive Self Talk

My run today filled up my 6th star chart! I have earned my rock revival jeans plus and extra like 20-25 dollars to spend!

I was trying to decide what I wanted people to take away from the posts I write and I think what I really want for people to take from my blog is that it's OKAY to not be perfect, but that doesn't mean you don't try to be. I want people to know that the reality of weight loss, healthy eating habits and changing your lifestyle is that it sucks. (Pardon the crassness of what I am about to say) It sucks large donkey balls, but don't give up! Even if you have to start over 10 million times, that's OKAY because you haven't given up! I want to inspire people to not give up!

I am constantly having to re-commit and re-dedicate myself to a healthier life style. I ate unhealthily for most of my life and I think that it will always be a battle for me to choose an apple over a brownie. I've never drank alcohol and I am not addicted to food, but I imagine that for a recovering alcoholic it will forever be difficult to choose water over a drink.

Growing up my mom would always create new chore plans or routines to get us to help out around the house. One plan she called  Turning Over a New Leaf. Eventually there was Turning Over a New Leaf 2 and then a 3 and a 4. Now it's just a funny joke. "How about we turn over a new leaf 42?!" In my little moment of clarity I see that the real lesson I learned was not to do chores (I still hate the dishes with a passion) but to never give up trying! Thanks Mom!

So here I am turning over a new leaf 85 (Ok so it's more like 5 or 6) in my weight loss journey!

We all think several things a day (Women more than Men, sorry, but it's true). I wouldn't say we talk to ourselves as much as we simply just think to ourselves. We call it self talk. Sometimes it is constructive and healthy and other times it is not. Here is a list of a few things I've thought to myself in the last month concerning my physical appearance:

• Why am I so fat?
• I wish I was a little taller
• My thighs are huge
• I'm so fat I have to wear leggings under my favorite jeans because my fat legs rubbed holes in them
• I wonder if people notice the holes in my jeans? They probably do and think wow Kelsie is really fat and gross
• I should buy new jeans, but the jeans I want don't come in size extra fat.
• My belly is too big and jiggly
• I might as well be pregnant because I already look like I am
• Ugh I hate how thin my hair is. I'm going bald and I'm not even 30
• I'm going to be fat and bald forever then have kids and be even fatter and balder
• I run so slow that myfitnesspal calls it a brisk walk, how pathetic
• I am pathetic thinking I could lose weight
• I wish I looked like her
• My face looks tired and old
• I just want to be pretty.
• Almost a 14 minute mile... way to go fatso. 
• Most people walk a 15 minute mile and that's what you run.
• Why do the healthiest foods taste like poop?
• I don't want to eat poop
• I'm too tired to run, and plus it's dark and cold out there
• I'm so tired and sad I need a cookie to make me feel better

This is a problem. This is not good. The problem with the last thought is that one cookie turns into 5 cookies. Self loathing and self pity are not healthy. On top of all of this negative self talk I have to battle depression and mild bi-polar. And if my meds aren't working right or I stop taking them this list gets a lot uglier than it already is. Yes some of these thoughts are a bit humorous, but I wasn't trying to be funny when I was telling them to myself. 

It is hard to talk positively to yourself. You are your worst critic and if you are anything like me you don't miss one little out of place eyelash while reviewing yourself. I have decided to change this. Negative self talk is my Goliath. It is so easy to get down on your self for the smallest things and one of the most frustrating things is that I like it. I like to be negative. I like to be cynical and critical and judgmental. It feels good to do it, which is wrong because it really doesn't feel good in the long run. I hate thinking that something I feel is wrong.

I decided that I need to change. I want to be more positive. I need to be more positive. I want to exude happiness and be centered and balanced and love myself. I want to love myself despite my short comings! Today while running I was thinking about how I wanted this. It was difficult to think of nice things to say when I hadn't been out running for almost a month. I started small with things like:

• It's ok to run slow because it's been a while and it is better than not running at all.
• You could be sitting on the couch watching CSI but instead you are out here trying to get healthy! Good for you!
• This is going to hurt, but that's ok because you are tough
• Keep breathing, it's ok to struggle.
• This isn't easy, but you are doing it!
• You choose this! This is a healthy choice! Way to go!

I hope that you can relate to this on some level and that when you read these posts you think, " Yeah that's like me and if she can do it then so can I!" Love your self and have faith that you can do it!

It's Been Too Long

I don't know how many days or how many runs anymore! I could count, but I'm not going to.

It has been way too long since I posted. Obviously I couldn't do this for a living because I'd get fired!
Many people were encouraging me to continue to post, but  i could barely find the energy to run let alone write about it. Either way it's a new day and almost a new year so let's start fresh.

After the holidays I know weigh about 190lbs.... NOT GOOD... NOT OKAY! I really need to loose at least 20 more lbs before the end of January... NOT LIKELY! But I will try my hardest! tht means ultra dedication is needed.

During the time I was away from the blog I tried Garcinia Cambogia... and guess what... it didn't help. I was pretty faithful about it so I was left disappointed.

I also completed my first official 5K! I did the Norpoint Turkey Trot with my Sister, her husband and her friend! I loved it! It was the fastest I had run for a long time! The hill at the end was killer! I knew there was a hill at the end so once I got to a hill I powered through it, but it was a trick! I turned a corner and then saw the hill I had to finish! It was awesome! Here are some pictures!

What a bunch of Hotties!!

This was the beginning hill... nothing compared to the end!

Yes there were 4 firemen running with all their gear! I passed them!
Their supposed to do this for a living so I felt accomplished passing them!

I also ran and worked out enough to earn a pair of rock revival jeans! I filled up my star chart 5 times and now it is almost 6 times! But I am going to wait until I am a little smaller to buy them. The horrible thing is that by the time I am smaller I will probably be starting to get bigger for a good reason!

Then Christmas came this week and my amazing sister and her husband who I ran the 5K with got me this amazing Nike Pro jacket! I took it for it's first run today and I love it!  It matches my socks and I love matching!

I've also decided to start training for  a half marathon. Not sure I will get the chance to run it before I have a baby, but I can still train for it! And then train again after the baby and do it before the second baby! If anyone has any suggestions for training schedules, methods or just tips I am very open to them!

Thank you for continuing to come and read and support me in trying to make my life and body healthier and happier!

Hard Run

I don't even know how many days it is now, but it is Run:138

Sorry I was gone for so long. So here's an update.

I completely lost my motivation. I was so tired at the end of my day that I just couldn't do it. I still am having a hard time balancing work with my personal life. I don't have enough time for either.

After 27 days of not running or exercising it was hard to get back out there and start again. That is why the title of this post is Hard Run. The second run I had after restarting was the second hardest run I have ever had. The first of course was the very first one. The one where I decided I had to change and I was tired of being big and unhealthy.

I have been having lots of hard runs. It is made worse by how slow I am running and the times I have to run. I hate running in the afternoons, but it's the only plausible time for me to run. I feel I run better in the morning and in crisp cool air! Like today! It was nice and cold outside and the fresh air felt great!

Well I am slowly starting to get my motivation back thanks to supportive friends and family!
A few thank yous:

• Mike Anderson ( My handsome husband!)
• Jaclynn Wilkinson, Leona Stookey, and Michelle Dayley (My friends)
• Jason and Kristel Anderson (My family)

Oh and I'd like to thank my first big girl paycheck for letting me buy these:

These are my new running shoes! Oh and new neon running socks by a brand called Feetures! get it Feet... tures! It took me longer than it should have but hey I was tired! They are supposed to be blister proof.. we shall see...we shall see.


Weigh day report:
I'm not sure where I am at right now. This week has been torture. My first natural cycle off of BC pills. I forgot how horribly it affects my weight and emotions. It is so hard to not eat your emotions. Thursday I went off the deep end. 7-11 was my best friend. I haven't gone that crazy is a while though so I figured it was okay considering the circumstances.

• Motivation:  MUST LOSE MORE WEIGHT!

• Listening to:  Panic At the Disco!, Red Hot Chili Peppers, M.I.A., Luda

• Thankful for: The cold air!

Route and Stats: