Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Truly Triumphant

Day 710 - Run: Who knows

Dear friends,
I know it has been like 3 months since I've written and I'm sorry, but for those of you who don't know...
I'M PREGNANT!

I'm 23 weeks and having a boy! I am extremely excited!

I had this two year long dream of running through my pregnancy. Running through my park with this huge belly and being like "Yeah, that's right! I'm pregnant and running!" but for some lame and unknown reason ( I couldn't get my butt up early enough to go before work and after a long day with 22 five year olds I just couldn't muster up enough energy to go after work) I became inconsistent with my runs and eventually fell out of the habit. I gained almost 10 lbs and then got pregnant. I thought all was lost when I started feeling queasy because my running brain said, "If it's above the neck you go and if it's below the neck you stay in." I tried to run through the queasy and that didn't bode well for my desire to keep running. My morning sickness wasn't even that bad, but I was also exhausted beyond anything I'd ever felt before that it just became too much of a chore and was no longer enjoyable. At 12 weeks pregnant I tried to run again but something didn't feel right and I was afraid of doing any damage. Any time I tried to jog it was painful. I even went for a long walk with a friend that I thought was going to kill me because my hips felt so out of whack!

I've gone swimming once and it was the most amazing feeling to be so active again without pain or fear of hurting my growing baby! It was fantastic and I plan on swimming more this summer!

At my appointment last Thursday my midwife suggested that I walk at least a mile a day and so I am determined to do that!

So here's the cool part.... I went for my walk today and was listening to one of my running playlists while taking one of my old running routes that I know is about 1.25 miles long. About .8 miles in I just couldn't take the slow walking pace anymore! It was driving me nuts... so I decided to try jogging a little, figuring it was probably going to hurt and I would have to stop and finish my walk in boredom. However, I started jogging a little and I was doing just fine! It felt so good! I was out of breath as I lumbered down the street! I was definitely going easy and not giving it my all, but  I WAS JOGGING!! It was AWESOME! I jogged all the way home,and only took a few stops! It was great! My knee did start getting stiff and I'm still obviously going to continue with caution but I was just excited to be moving that I have to try it again tomorrow!

Thank you for your continued support and I look forward to sharing more moments of triumph with you for the last 17 weeks of this pregnancy! I might even post our birth story on here... we'll see!



Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Finding Strength

A lot of days : and a lot of runs, hikes, and walks. A few yoga sessions and now gym visits!

I didn't workout today. Normally I don't post unless I've worked out. The reason is because after working out I'm so pumped up that I feel like I have to tell the world! I want them to know that if I can do it than anyone can do it!

Today I'm posting at the request of a close friend [Hi Sarah  :-) ]. After she asked, I texted her sister, also a close friend, [Hi Jackie] and said, "She wants me to post and I totally can, but I feel unmotivated and when I feel unmotivated I feel incapable of motivating others."

It was then that I decided to post about finding strength. Finding strength to keep going, to suit up and tie your shoes, to refuse the rice krispie treat even though you've had a bad day and completely deserve it! Finding the strength to not judge yourself by who or what you see at the gym or on the scale or in the mirror. Finding strength to accept yourself  for who and what you are at this very moment and what you will become.

THIS IS NOT EASY! I repeat... NOT EASY!

I hate cliches, but I am going to say it... if it were easy, everyone would do it.  Seriously though. Everyone would be perfectly fit and perfectly healthy.

I wish I could say that deciding to start is the hardest part or that waking up early to exercise is the hardest part or going after a long day of work or school or chasing your children is the hardest part, but the whole truth and nothing but the truth is that NONE of it is harder than the rest because it is ALL HARD.

The only thing I can say is what I say to my students when they tell me they can't because it's too hard. I say,"But you are strong and because you are strong you can do hard things!"

Taking on a big challenge takes guts and courage! It takes strength and you've got that! It takes a very strong and confident person to walk into a gym knowing that he or she is much flubber-ier (Not a real word? It is now!) than everyone else in there. No I don't feel or think I am confident when I walk into my gym, but my actions are confident. Same with going outside and running. Those cars that pass you might be full of horribly raised teenage boys getting a good laugh at the fatty running, but you have to remember that there are cars that drive by with people like me in them and think "Wow! YOU GO GIRL (or dude!) Keep going, Keep going! You can do it, you just gotta keep going!" You inspire me and you inspire others. You let your strength shine. Be proud of yourself. Be proud of the fact that you are making a healthy choice. You could be sitting on the couch, but your not! You could be eating bowl of fruit loops, but your not!

Staying positive is so hard. (Maybe that's the hardest part...hmm ... nope. It's all hard!) In those moments of negativity and doubt ( and yes, there WILL be more than one), when your positive thoughts fail you and you think all of your motivation is dead and gone and all hope of ever being what you want to be is lost... in those moments.... dig deep. You have it in you, but you have to dig and fight for it!

If you ever find your self in a time when you simply can't find the strength, come back here and reread these things:

  1. Yes it is hard, but you are strong and can do hard things!
  2. You are more than the what the mirror and scale say you are!
  3. YOU ARE STRONG!
  4. YOU CAN DO THIS!
  5. Yes you can!
  6. Dig deep!
  7. You've got this!
  8. YOU GO GIRL/DUDE!





Monday, January 20, 2014

Learning Positive Self Talk

My run today filled up my 6th star chart! I have earned my rock revival jeans plus and extra like 20-25 dollars to spend!

I was trying to decide what I wanted people to take away from the posts I write and I think what I really want for people to take from my blog is that it's OKAY to not be perfect, but that doesn't mean you don't try to be. I want people to know that the reality of weight loss, healthy eating habits and changing your lifestyle is that it sucks. (Pardon the crassness of what I am about to say) It sucks large donkey balls, but don't give up! Even if you have to start over 10 million times, that's OKAY because you haven't given up! I want to inspire people to not give up!


I am constantly having to re-commit and re-dedicate myself to a healthier life style. I ate unhealthily for most of my life and I think that it will always be a battle for me to choose an apple over a brownie. I've never drank alcohol and I am not addicted to food, but I imagine that for a recovering alcoholic it will forever be difficult to choose water over a drink.

Growing up my mom would always create new chore plans or routines to get us to help out around the house. One plan she called  Turning Over a New Leaf. Eventually there was Turning Over a New Leaf 2 and then a 3 and a 4. Now it's just a funny joke. "How about we turn over a new leaf 42?!" In my little moment of clarity I see that the real lesson I learned was not to do chores (I still hate the dishes with a passion) but to never give up trying! Thanks Mom!

So here I am turning over a new leaf 85 (Ok so it's more like 5 or 6) in my weight loss journey!

We all think several things a day (Women more than Men, sorry, but it's true). I wouldn't say we talk to ourselves as much as we simply just think to ourselves. We call it self talk. Sometimes it is constructive and healthy and other times it is not. Here is a list of a few things I've thought to myself in the last month concerning my physical appearance:

  • Why am I so fat?
  • I wish I was a little taller
  • My thighs are huge
  • I'm so fat I have to wear leggings under my favorite jeans because my fat legs rubbed holes in them
  • I wonder if people notice the holes in my jeans? They probably do and think wow Kelsie is really fat and gross
  • I should buy new jeans, but the jeans I want don't come in size extra fat.
  • My belly is too big and jiggly
  • I might as well be pregnant because I already look like I am
  • Ugh I hate how thin my hair is. I'm going bald and I'm not even 30
  • I'm going to be fat and bald forever then have kids and be even fatter and balder
  • I run so slow that myfitnesspal calls it a brisk walk, how pathetic
  • I am pathetic thinking I could lose weight
  • I wish I looked like her
  • My face looks tired and old
  • I just want to be pretty.
  • Almost a 14 minute mile... way to go fatso. 
  • Most people walk a 15 minute mile and that's what you run.
  • Why do the healthiest foods taste like poop?
  • I don't want to eat poop
  • I'm too tired to run, and plus it's dark and cold out there
  • I'm so tired and sad I need a cookie to make me feel better
This is a problem. This is not good. The problem with the last thought is that one cookie turns into 5 cookies. Self loathing and self pity are not healthy. On top of all of this negative self talk I have to battle depression and mild bi-polar. And if my meds aren't working right or I stop taking them this list gets a lot uglier than it already is. Yes some of these thoughts are a bit humorous, but I wasn't trying to be funny when I was telling them to myself. 

It is hard to talk positively to yourself. You are your worst critic and if you are anything like me you don't miss one little out of place eyelash while reviewing yourself. I have decided to change this. Negative self talk is my Goliath. It is so easy to get down on your self for the smallest things and one of the most frustrating things is that I like it. I like to be negative. I like to be cynical and critical and judgmental. It feels good to do it, which is wrong because it really doesn't feel good in the long run. I hate thinking that something I feel is wrong.


I decided that I need to change. I want to be more positive. I need to be more positive. I want to exude happiness and be centered and balanced and love myself. I want to love myself despite my short comings! Today while running I was thinking about how I wanted this. It was difficult to think of nice things to say when I hadn't been out running for almost a month. I started small with things like:


  • It's ok to run slow because it's been a while and it is better than not running at all.
  • You could be sitting on the couch watching CSI but instead you are out here trying to get healthy! Good for you!
  • This is going to hurt, but that's ok because you are tough
  • Keep breathing, it's ok to struggle.
  • This isn't easy, but you are doing it!
  • You choose this! This is a healthy choice! Way to go!

I hope that you can relate to this on some level and that when you read these posts you think, " Yeah that's like me and if she can do it then so can I!" Love your self and have faith that you can do it!





Friday, December 27, 2013

It's Been Too Long

I don't know how many days or how many runs anymore! I could count, but I'm not going to.

It has been way too long since I posted. Obviously I couldn't do this for a living because I'd get fired!
Many people were encouraging me to continue to post, but  i could barely find the energy to run let alone write about it. Either way it's a new day and almost a new year so let's start fresh.

After the holidays I know weigh about 190lbs.... NOT GOOD... NOT OKAY! I really need to loose at least 20 more lbs before the end of January... NOT LIKELY! But I will try my hardest! tht means ultra dedication is needed.

During the time I was away from the blog I tried Garcinia Cambogia... and guess what... it didn't help. I was pretty faithful about it so I was left disappointed.

I also completed my first official 5K! I did the Norpoint Turkey Trot with my Sister, her husband and her friend! I loved it! It was the fastest I had run for a long time! The hill at the end was killer! I knew there was a hill at the end so once I got to a hill I powered through it, but it was a trick! I turned a corner and then saw the hill I had to finish! It was awesome! Here are some pictures!

What a bunch of Hotties!!
This was the beginning hill... nothing compared to the end!

Yes there were 4 firemen running with all their gear! I passed them!
Their supposed to do this for a living so I felt accomplished passing them!
I also ran and worked out enough to earn a pair of rock revival jeans! I filled up my star chart 5 times and now it is almost 6 times! But I am going to wait until I am a little smaller to buy them. The horrible thing is that by the time I am smaller I will probably be starting to get bigger for a good reason!

Then Christmas came this week and my amazing sister and her husband who I ran the 5K with got me this amazing Nike Pro jacket! I took it for it's first run today and I love it!  It matches my socks and I love matching!


I've also decided to start training for  a half marathon. Not sure I will get the chance to run it before I have a baby, but I can still train for it! And then train again after the baby and do it before the second baby! If anyone has any suggestions for training schedules, methods or just tips I am very open to them!

Thank you for continuing to come and read and support me in trying to make my life and body healthier and happier!


Saturday, October 19, 2013

Hard Run

I don't even know how many days it is now, but it is Run:138

Sorry I was gone for so long. So here's an update.

I completely lost my motivation. I was so tired at the end of my day that I just couldn't do it. I still am having a hard time balancing work with my personal life. I don't have enough time for either.

After 27 days of not running or exercising it was hard to get back out there and start again. That is why the title of this post is Hard Run. The second run I had after restarting was the second hardest run I have ever had. The first of course was the very first one. The one where I decided I had to change and I was tired of being big and unhealthy.

I have been having lots of hard runs. It is made worse by how slow I am running and the times I have to run. I hate running in the afternoons, but it's the only plausible time for me to run. I feel I run better in the morning and in crisp cool air! Like today! It was nice and cold outside and the fresh air felt great!

Well I am slowly starting to get my motivation back thanks to supportive friends and family!
A few thank yous:
  • Mike Anderson ( My handsome husband!)
  • Jaclynn Wilkinson, Leona Stookey, and Michelle Dayley (My friends)
  • Jason and Kristel Anderson (My family)
Oh and I'd like to thank my first big girl paycheck for letting me buy these:





These are my new running shoes! Oh and new neon running socks by a brand called Feetures! get it Feet... tures! It took me longer than it should have but hey I was tired! They are supposed to be blister proof.. we shall see...we shall see.


Weigh day report:
I'm not sure where I am at right now. This week has been torture. My first natural cycle off of BC pills. I forgot how horribly it affects my weight and emotions. It is so hard to not eat your emotions. Thursday I went off the deep end. 7-11 was my best friend. I haven't gone that crazy is a while though so I figured it was okay considering the circumstances.
  • Motivation:  MUST LOSE MORE WEIGHT!

  • Listening to:  Panic At the Disco!, Red Hot Chili Peppers, M.I.A., Luda

  • Thankful for: The cold air!
Route and Stats:


Saturday, September 14, 2013

These Shoes Were Made For Running, But These Legs Were Not!

Day 421: Run ...I have no clue anymore

Well I can't believe I haven't posted in over a month.... however this month and 1 week has been the most hectic one I have ever had. Vacation was nice and I did run on the beach again and then did some yoga... it felt soooo good I didn't want it to end, but as all good things usually do... it did.

I haven't gone running for 12 days because I started my first year or teaching and I am teaching kindergarten of course! It has keep me so tired that I sleep a solid 8 hours every night now... Which is great for my body, but not so great for having a life outside of work. I also have a set of kids that definitely give me a run for my money. I haven't even gotten my first paycheck and I can already tell you that teachers do not make enough!!

But that is not what this blog is about! This blog is about being healthy and losing weight!

Today's run was hard and I just kept thinking about short I am and that my legs really are not made for running or at least running fast. And when I do have kids I had dreamed about being that woman that is like 7 months pregnant and still running for exercise, but I see that dream slowly fading away and it makes me sad... Reality kinda sucks... I don't like it.

Weigh day report #60:
I gained and then dropped again, but I am still not down to my lowest weight.
  • Motivation:  Stress relief please!!!!

  • Listening to:  A mix of La Roux, Skrillex, Hot Hot Heat, and Nicki Minaj

  • Thankful for: Actually getting my butt up and moving again.

Route &Stats:
Ugh coming to terms with being slow is sooo hard!! I don't wanna be slow!


Today's motto is


Lifestyle:
Did you know that getting a good nights rest might help you lose weight?
Researchers have found that people who sleep less than 7 hours a night are more likely to be overweight or obese. It is thought that a lack of sleep impacts the balance of hormones that regulate appetite.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Weighday #55 and New section added!

Day 383: Run 129

Weigh day report:
Back on track and I'm feeling good! I hope my weight loss continues!! Today I weighed 187 lbs.! Just gotta keep going!

 
My run today was annoying because it definitely did not track right. It's a 4 mile run. I know it's a 4 mile run. There is no denying it's a 4 mile run but for some reason my tracker decided to track it at 3.3 and 3.5 this week making me very angry!

  • Motivation:  I have to lose weight! I'm tired of being a little tea pot short and stout!

  • Listening to:  My angry run mix but it didn't seem to pump me up like it usually does! Guess I wasn't angry enough!

  • Thankful for: Running.. if I was wasn't running I would have been trapped by the Jehovah's Witness's. Darn old ladies telling me I should have run earlier in the day and then try to talk religion with me... Get outta here! (said with a thick Jersey accent!)

Route &Stats:

I'm not post route and stats because it says that I was running a 14 minute mile... Oh Reginald!... I DISAGREE!!!!! It's impossible for me to run a 14 minute mile.... I walk a 15 minute mile and even if I walked half the mile I would still be at a 13.5 minute mile!! Here's the math....

SO I usually run a 11-12 minute mile so half a mile would be about 6 minutes. I walk a 15 minute mile and half of that would 7.5 minutes. 7.5+6= 13.5!!!! 14 is out of the question!

When I got home and calculated the run it evened out to about 13.25 minutes per mile. It's hard to stay motivated when your tracker is off.


Lifestyle:
This is a new section I am adding to talk about healthy living. Some of the things might be funny and some of the things might be serious and inspirational. Today I thought I would start off with funny inspired by Mary Dempsey! This is my new theme song! It describes how I must think and feel when I see a plate of cookies or brownies or even a huge bowl of potato salad!