Saturday, November 28, 2015

A Whole Year... Gone

Wow, I can't believe I let a whole year pass before making another post. It's definitely been on my mind lately and now that Facebook has those memory things each day it brought up my birth story which was my last post.  Let me give you an update. (Mostly about my physical condition)

I gained 41 lbs in pregnancy and weighed 237 when I delivered. 3 weeks after my baby was born, I had lost 30 lbs. I thought, "Wow! This is great! And I'm nursing so pre-pregnancy weight... HERE I COME!".... yeah about that... well nursing turned me into a ravenous beast. I felt like I was starving all the time. At first I was good about putting good healthy food in my body and then I went back to work.  7 weeks after my baby was born I was working full time, nursing/pumping and keeping up with my baby's schedule. I couldn't even think about trying to fit exercise into my day. I was so completely drained of everything that I had nothing left and I started filling that void with food that FELT good as opposed to actually being good for me. On top of this, at Mikey's 4 month appointment the doctor had concerns about his weight and required me to see a lactation consultant. That was a horrible experience. Ask me about it sometime, especially considering I just got done paying for my "Free" consultation!

My goal was to breastfeed for 12 months. I made it! I have never done anything as difficult as breastfeeding. At the 4 month point though, due to the doctors comments, I was so afraid that I had a supply issue that there was no way I was going to start hardcore exercising or dieting (I read somewhere that it has been linked with lowering your supply). So lets put 2 and 2 together shall we. Poor eating habits + No exercise = Weight gain + Sleep deprivation = Even more weight gain.

Now here I am weighing 227 lbs. and feeling horrible about myself. I can't fit into any of my clothes. I'm still wearing maternity clothes. I dread waking up in the morning because I know I am going to have to look at myself in the mirror and dress this big frumpy dumpy, dare I say it, MOM BODY! There. I said it! Don't be offended! I know there are several of you who like and are just "so proud" of your postpartum bodies. You earned your tiger stripes, right? Congratulations, but lets not pretend that you are in love with it and that it's your preferred body type. If deep down, you are truly happy with it, good for you, but I'll put money on the fact that you are the super minority. I can't even wear a normal bra because they don't fit! I quit nursing two weeks ago! I don't think I will ever fit into a Victoria's Secret bra again! It's horrible! Everyone wants big boobs, but don't be fooled! It comes with a whole set of horrible hassles. Mine were just fine before. Ughhhhh.

The time to start trying for another baby is coming and I know that it's unrealistic to be at my true goal weight by then so  I have created a "Mid-level Threshold" goal weight! It's still going to be a challenge, but I'm up for it! My struggle right  now is trying to find time to exercise. I need it though. I crave it. I need an outlet, an escape from reality for an hour or so.

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